


A Sea of Red

by star54kar



Category: On Thy Knees
Genre: Ghosts, Graphic Description, Loss of Faith, M/M, effects of torture, hopelessness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:08:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28767591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/star54kar/pseuds/star54kar
Summary: Pain was his constant companion. Physical pain. Emotional pain. Both at the same time. No matter how devout his prayers, Rilah never answered. Nothing ever changed. He was lost in his timeless, windowless void where red was the only color he could see.
Relationships: Saul/Abel, Saul/Arthur
Kudos: 3





	A Sea of Red

**Author's Note:**

> When a random thought in a DM with one of the creators of an original comic sparked an idea that decided to haunt me and refuse to let go.
> 
> I am certain that this will be highly inaccurate within another page or two of the comic, as the canon is still developing but this concept bit me and refused to let go, so here it is. Jas and Cardinal, thank you for creating such a stunning world with such vibrant characters that have been so inspiring. I hope that you like this and that I didn't butcher this too badly.

Saul opened his eyes to a sea of red.

The color haunted him...followed him...taunted him. The red of his blood as it was drained from his body, dripping in thick streams down his skin as it pulsed around the knife. The red of the pointless decorative patterns decorating the skin of his heartlessly cruel tormentors. 

Pain was his constant companion. Physical pain. Emotional pain. Both at the same time. No matter how devout his prayers, Rilah never answered. Nothing ever changed. He was lost in his timeless, windowless void where red was the only color he could see. 

Once there were other colors in his world. There was a time when he’d briefly known happiness, awash in the glow of eyes the color of emeralds and a sweet shy smile that made him feel weak in the knees. Cruelly and brutally that happiness had been ripped from his grasp. The once vibrant green of his lover’s eyes were forever closed and Saul’s world was permanently stained by the red spray of his blood as it flew from his mistress’ knife.

He’d fled in terror. Escaped with bile in his mouth and his heart in his throat. Saul had wandered aimlessly before he found his faith and threw himself into his devotion. High command had given him a mission, given his life purpose, but now he no longer knew what he believed in. Only the red of his anger and the anguish of his pain remained. 

Saul knew himself to be abandoned. No rescue was coming. The transmissions he’d thought he’d heard were but a figment of his desperate mind and his longing to escape. Now his prayers to Rilah begged only for the sweet release of his death. Pain pulsated in every fiber of his being and he longed for the knife to slip in his torturer's grasp and lodge too deep. He closed his eyes and yearned for his heart to cease its beating, and let him leave this place. 

“Saul.”

He hadn’t heard that voice since before his world fell apart. A phantom touch, so gentle it couldn’t possibly be real caressed his hair so tenderly, with such love, that it couldn’t possibly be real. Death had not claimed him for the pain had not ceased. This was but another trick of his weak and feeble mind. Another hallucination dreamed up from the depths of his memories. 

Saul’s eyes fluttered open and met sorrowful emerald green eyes.

A cry fell from his dry, cracked lips at the sight. 

“Abel.” Saul’s voice broke as he spoke and he started at the sound of his own voice, unaccustomed to vocalizing anything but screams of torment. Shaking his head in dismay he choked out, “You’re not here. This isn’t real.”

The ghost of a palm fluttered over his cheek and Saul could feel the movement of each individual whisker of his beard as it was brushed by the gentle touch. He hadn’t been touched gently in ages and he wept, openly and unashamed. He stared into the brilliant green of Abel’s eyes. Hallucination or not he was unable to tear his eyes away. The color of trees, the color of life, vibrant, beautiful and sparkling. Untarnished by the red that he knew would become his tomb.

“I’m here, Saul,” Abel said softly. His voice was like a melodic balm for Saul’s tormented soul.

“You can’t be,” Saul wept. “Rilah took you in her arms and out of this world long ago. Your beautiful soul was too bright for this world so she brought you home. Even if you were here, I would never wish you to be. 

“I have always been with you,” Abel said sadly. “Even when you cannot see me. Even when you cannot hear me, I am with you.”

Saul knew this couldn’t possibly be true, yet he felt as if he could drown in Abel’s eyes. He wished he could. He could die happy and float into Rilah’s arms in a sea of green. It would be a merciful, loving end, free from the red that haunted his steps since the moment of Abel’s violent passing.

“I’m sorry,” Saul croaked. “It’s my fault. If I hadn’t loved you, you would still be alive.”

Abel frowned, “It was my choice to love you. You made me happy and I am so grateful for that. If I had the chance to do it all over again, I still would have chosen you. The mistress would have killed me eventually regardless of what we’d done. I wasn’t a person to her. I was a toy, to play with or break as she pleased.”

“I ran,” Saul sobbed. “I should have avenged you. Instead I fled like a coward as she stood there, bathed in your blood.”

Abel shook his head and pet Saul’s hair gently as he replied, “No, Saul. You survived. You endured. I was killed in a fit of passion. It was quick. If you hadn’t run, if she caught you, you would have died horribly.”

Saul chuckled bitterly, “No worse than the way I shall perish here, alone but for hallucinations to keep me company until my bitter end.”

“You won’t die here,” Abel said firmly. “You’re going to be rescued. You’ll see the suns again. I just need you to hold on a little longer.”

The brush of Abel’s lips over Saul’s tasted as sweet as his memories, full of love and bursting with potential. Abel had followed him back then, like a little lamb, and Saul had pretended not to see him looking from afar. He’d waited until Abel was ready, until Abel came to him. The sweet bliss of their passion, the tenderness of their love was unsurpassed by anything Saul had experienced before or since.

Saul whimpered into the kiss. Figment of his imagination or not, Abel felt so real. His hands, his lips, his voice, his eyes were all Saul could see, all he could feel, all he could taste, and all he could hear. 

Against his will, Saul’s eyes slipped closed, black overcoming his senses as his consciousness slipped from him. The sound of Abel’s voice was fainter now and Saul had to strain to hear it in the darkness. “You’ll be free of this soon and be happy again. I promise.”

Drifting into the silent darkness of unconsciousness was typically a blessing from Rilah, but Saul didn’t want to be alone again, even if his company was a fabrication of his broken mind. He lost the battle, floating weightlessly in a dreamless sleep when a loud explosion startled him back into consciousness. Saul opened his eyes, fully expecting to be back in his timelessly, eternal red world, where only torment and suffering awaited him. 

Instead… he saw _blue_.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments are always appreciated, so please let me know if you enjoyed the story. :)


End file.
